The Andy Hardy series was just getting started following Love Finds Andy Hardy in 1938. Roughly one and a half films a year would be released over the coming decade, and each one was popular with audiences for the same reason: People loved Andy Hardy. Why I cannot say; I find Mickey Rooney’s central performance as Andy Hardy to be very tiring. But just as people of today want moronic exploding robot stories, so did people of the 30s and 40s want to see the same boy date a series of women that would make James Bond jealous. And these things were damned popular! The Oscars, ever the arbitrator of ultimate taste in Hollywood (for we shall always know How Green Was My Valley is superior to Citizen Kane in every way) chose to honor the series as a whole with an honorary award in 1943 for “representing the American way of life.” Yeah, good thing these movies weren’t about the Germans, huh?
Even with my limited exposure to this series, it is clear there were a number of expected trademarks. Countless young starlets, foolish capering, heart-to-heart talks between Andy and his father, and intrusive musical numbers. And every other film or so seems to take place in a new location. As I’d previously hypothesized, this is really a protozoan version of the family sitcoms that would prove so hearty in the upcoming television era. As such, it’s easier to understand the box office success of the Andy Hardy pictures, as audiences then had a cinematic need television now fills for us.
One little thing would slightly disrupt these films – World War Two. Hell, Mickey Rooney himself served in the army, as an entertainer, throwing off the production schedule somewhat. Man, if only we could send some of today’s young studs off to war. Maybe then they’d be halfway believable in an action movie.
The majority of the Andy Hardy movies now reside only on VHS, victims of diminishing popularity once DVD came onto the scene (expect a similar culling of titles with BluRay). Because of this, I can only offer brief plot capsules of most. And so, without further time wasting...
Out West with the Hardys (1938) – The Judge takes his family to a ranch “out west” in order to resolve a water issue of some sort. More importantly, sister Marian develops a romance with the ranch foreman and plans to marry. The Judge pushes her into a “trial marriage” so she can prematurely enjoy the marital pleasures of endless house chores and disrespect. Most important is Andy Hardy, who competes against an eight-year-old girl and almost causes a horse to die!
The Hardys Ride High (1939) – The Judge’s plot-convenient legal duties now takes the family to our new exotic setting – Detroit. There is some central plot concerning a potential windfall inheritance. Andy opts to romance a chorus girl, but she’s not good enough for Andy, what with her urbane sophistication. And in two entirely separate plot lines, each of the Hardy women buys a gown.
Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever (1939) – Remaining in their hometown of Carvel this time to go easy on the budget, the good Judge oversees something to do with bauxite. This is really an Andy story, though, since he finds himself ignoring girlfriend Polly in order to impress the new drama teacher. He even writes a play, “Adrift in Tahiti,” taking advantage of one of those Polynesian obsessions people sometimes get.
Judge Hardy and Son (1939) – The undeserving Andy Hardy out-whores himself this time, with four women. He meets them in the process of running illegal errands for his judge father, all in another Andy scheme to get money for his car without enduring the shame of employment. And in the one plot development that doesn’t sound like a variation on the content of Love Finds Andy Hardy, Andy passes off an essay he has written on Alexander Hamilton as the writing of a woman, all because of some weird 1930s double standard.
Andy Hardy Meets Debutante (1940) – Judy Garland returns to the Andy Hardy series to promote the musical duo act she had going on with Mickey Rooney. As expected, Andy has romantic “difficulties” with an indeterminate number of anonymous women.
Andy Hardy's Private Secretary (1941) – Despite the private tutor, extra lessons and bribed teachers that are every Caucasian’s birth right, Andy still fails to graduate from high school. And apparently Andy must juggle girlfriend Polly with yet another new girl in his life, which leads me to think “Why does Polly stick with Andy?” and “Are they trying to artificially lengthen this series’ lifeline by keeping Andy in school?”
Life Begins for Andy Hardy (1941) – Andy’s flunked again! No, wait, I’m re-reading the Private Secretary synopsis...Ah! Andy has graduated, and heads alone to New York City, which proceeds to treat Andy exactly the same way the real world would, rewarding his tired antics with datelessness and unemployment. Judy Garland appears for the final time in this, the most financially successful entry in the series, even though it is Part 11!
The Courtship of Andy Hardy (1942) – Andy is once again whoring himself out, at his loving father’s request, acting the male escort to “unattractive” Melodie (Donna Reed). Donna Reed, unattractive?! This series can kiss my ass! So Melodie proceeds to become quite the slut, and yet is miffed because she can have any boy in town except Andy, and that Andy!, what a catch he is! Meanwhile, Emily Hardy remains as clueless as the elderly of today and falls for a money scam. And Marian dates a drunk!
Andy Hardy's Double Life (1942) – Andy is off to college, and swearing off girls, except he’s just become engaged to two girls, because that multi-date plot hasn’t become tired yet or anything. On top of all of this, Andy has followed his mother’s lead in falling for obvious finance scams. He’s also serving as his sister’s pimp. That is, he’s acting the cupid for her.
Andy Hardy's Blonde Trouble (1944) – Apparently actually following up immediately on its predecessor, Andy is off to college again with the Judge’s advice fresh in his mind. This time they actually find a wrinkle for the double date plot line, as Andy is accidentally caught up with twin coeds trying to pass themselves off as one woman. Either that’s the set up for an awesome David Cronenberg movie, or I sense forced sitcom shenanigans!
It appears interesting from these summations how the series was willing to grow up with Mickey Rooney, sending him from high school to college in a relatively realistic fashion. Ah, that constant bane of the family sitcom, the cast’s aging. I’d suspect Rooney’s physical (if not mental) maturation is as good a reason as any for this series’ eventual end. It seems this wasn’t the sort of film franchise to run itself into the ground beyond all sense, but the kind that naturally outgrew itself and thus bowed out gracefully.
And now for our subject of today, 1946's Love Laughs at Andy Hardy, the last Andy Hardy film made during the regular run of the series (more on this later). There is little need for a specific preamble to this film, for the series as a whole was a perpetual motion machine of inexplicable popularity. The reason I review this one, and none of the 10 that immediately precede it, is because they only exist on VHS. This one I could find on the Internet, an invention that would surely terrify Emily Hardy to an early grave. All hail Google!
Following the opening credits, we are in the Hardy household with Judge James Hardy and Emily Hardy (series regulars Lewis Stone and Fay Holden). Also, Aunt Milly is there. Andy’s older sister Marian is no longer in the series; nor is Polly. Pretty soon they receive a telegram, which very nearly causes Emily a deadly heart attack right then and there. Its content announces that Andy has been “separated” from the army (he’s been off nuking Japs or whatever during World War Two), only Emily foolishly thinks it means he’s getting a divorce. At the suggestion that Andy might marry, the Judge states “There must be some law against it.” This is one of the surprisingly many times where I actually laughed at this movie’s jokes.
The family wanders through downtown Carvel when Andy (Mickey Rooney, as ever) leaps from the rear of a speeding army convoy to greet them. Having aged nearly a decade since I last saw him, Andy remains largely the same irritating, overeager ham as always, though age has mellowed him somewhat. That God for that, for it makes Andy a lot more palatable. Cinema techniques allow the viewers to be far more intelligent than his parents, for we soon understand that Andy indeed anxiously yearns for marriage – he wanders through town staring at baby bathtubs in store windows! At least, a desire for marriage is the least creepy interpretation of this action.
Back at home, Andy wanders around pantsless in front of his parents. No apparent joke is made about this, so perhaps it was the style at the time. Andy is awaiting a telegram from his former college girlfriend, and his parents want to take him out to dinner. Because this is a farce, misunderstanding is the name of the game. Therefore Andy cannot simply tell his parents about his long term girlfriend (perhaps they would die of shock upon learning Andy is keen on monogamy), and rather Andy opts to cook up an over-elaborate ruse to escape from them during dinner and race home. All this somehow involves telling the police that water is flooding the Hardy household, and it’s a hell of a lot of setup for a problem that could be resolved with a single sentence!
Also at the dining hall is an attractive new girl Isobel Gonzales (Lina Romay), who has remained celibate and come to this pathetic little town entirely because of Andy Hardy – because this is something beautiful women do to earn the love of a short buffoon with squinty eyes and a bulbous nose. Movie producers must find this kind of thing funny, and I must again compare Mickey Rooney’s career to Shia LeBeouf’s. “I know I’ll blow up,” Isobel says, literally orgasming at the sight of Andy. I dunno, maybe he has a big penis or something.
Because the Andy Hardy series was an excuse to showcase new actresses, the high school talent show of Hollywood, the real reason Lina Romay is here is to perform a song and dance number. I’m reminded of Carmen Miranda from the same era, as Isobel employs her specific style of Latina tropical stylings. This is all rather entertaining, as these things go, and far more up my alley than the stilted, starchy songs Judy Garland sang in Love Finds Andy Hardy. Isobel flirts obviously with Andy, who rejects her like so much week-old fish, because a sultry, ready-to-go Latina is far too lowly for this noble gnome! I hate this series’ gender politics.
Finally Andy manages to race home alone, under no pretense, simply abandoning his parents without a car. Nice kid! One standard pratfall later, he has received his telegram from girlfriend Kay Wilson. Andy proceeds to poorly recite lines from “Romeo and Juliet,” then heads upstairs for an entirely innocent, non-onanistic bath. And here comes the payoff for Andy’s elaborate lie to the police: they have shut the water off outside. Clad in his aunt’s frilly nightgown, Andy heads outdoors to turn the water back on when the door shuts, locking him out. Ah, but Andy instantly makes his way back into the house through an unlocked window. So much for that 25 minutes wasted setting this up, huh?
Not so fast! Andy goes outside again, for entirely no good reason whatsoever, and locks himself out again due entirely to his own stupidity. And now the windows are locked, which could have just been the case the first time around without making Andy look like as much of a moron. And then his family goes into the house early and a cop chases Andy through the bushes. The great, grand punch line to all this ridiculousness is...is...Andy’s parents see him in a nightgown!...That’s it?! Man, a meticulously plotted French farce would have had this escalate about twelve times further, but this movie settles for the first, most obvious joke it happens upon.
As an aside, the reason Andy’s parents came home early is because Emily was convinced, absolutely positive that she had left the stove on and the house had burned down. Wow! She’s as much a worrywart as, well – My grandmother was about her age then too. Maybe it was a generational thing to be so paranoid pre-Cold War.
Andy has the first of two heart-to-hearts with his father, all on the subject of marriage. See, outed by his female nightgown, Andy finally reveals his intent to marry, as simple as that, effectively making the prior half hour a complete waste of time, unless you find unjustifiable cross-dressing innately hilarious. Apparently half the world does, though, so there’s that.
This first third of the film is effectively a self-contained short. Andy is soon off to college again, where he reunites with girlfriend Kay (Bonita Granville). Kay leaves before she has a chance to reveal a dire new confession to Andy. (I correctly guessed here what the movie will delay for another half hour – that she is leaving Andy for another man. Of course I couldn’t have guessed at the time whom this man would be.)
Quickly setting up the frivolous plot line for the next half hour, Andy runs into Duke, big man on campus. By the way, college as we see it here is something totally alien to a modern day audience. I primarily recognize it as what Animal House satirized with its preppie fraternity douchebags, only here it is presented as an ideal, not an institutional sickness. I mean, characters wander around unironically wearing fruity sweaters and those dinky blue-and-yellow beanie caps. I dunno, perhaps the whole East Coast is still like that, but this is definitely college in the pre-hippie era.
Duke soon appoints Andy freshman head of an upcoming school dance, responsible for whoring out all the boys to ensure none of them goes stag. Duke himself happens upon a new problem, as he is then tasked with finding a date for the beautiful, vivacious Coffy Smith (Dorothy Ford). The problem? She’s, like, 6 foot 4. And you know the standards of the ugly males in this series, where “Amazon” somehow equals “unattractive.” Damn this series and its readiness to disparage any and all females! Coffy does have one genuinely creepy habit, though, in that she calls every single male “Uncle,” as in “Uncle Duke” and “Uncle Andy.” There’s a really subtle undercurrent of familial sickness in this series, and I’m not sure how to approach it.
Andy, for his part, is wandering downtown, again needing a large sum of cash and again unwilling to obtain it through gainful employment (this time he wants to by a hideous plaid coat). A solution conveniently presents itself as a big cash prize for naming the “Big New Co-Ed Lingerie Store.” Wow! Where is this college?! Soon Andy has named the store “The Hidden Charms,” and is granted his big prize of $75 in merchandise. So now Andy can buy himself unsoiled women’s underpants whenever he likes!
Later summoned to the dean’s lair, Andy finds his parents in town for Homecoming Week, because a franchise like this one has to keep all its major characters in play no matter what the justification. So they’ll be at the school dance to witness Andy’s latest public humiliation, to be established – now!
For Andy knows Kay will be out of town for the dance (yet he doesn’t suspect why). As a result, he accepts Duke’s offer of a date with Coffy – this occurs at the school pool, a contrived means of hiding Coffy’s inhuman, disgusting six-foot stature from Andy the hobbit. Ah, but the next scene is Andy picking Coffy up for the dance, so let’s not milk that height reveal for too long or anything, right? The idea that Andy would date a tall girl causes great titterations among other coeds – What would this school do if, God forbid, someone ethnic went there? Of course this was twenty years before race even became an issue, so perhaps “dating a tall girl” really was the “miscegenation” of the 40s.
Andy’s parents are aghast to see him with Coffy – more elaborate, farce-style setups make them this she is Andy’s future fiancée. Andy proceeds to do a nifty swing dance with Coffy, and this is actually a nice bit of physical comedy here, recalling something I could easily see Charlie Chaplin doing, only it’s soured by how distastefully the tallness issue is handled. Nonetheless, it ingratiates both Andy and Coffy to the rest of the school body.
This latest non-catastrophe resolved, Andy bids his parents farewell at the train station. He utters one line of dialogue that it totally out of place. Here it is: “Mom, make sure and make dad wear his rubbers now.” Okay, either this Hays Code teenager wants his parents to wear condoms, or...what? What the hell else could that mean?! Honestly.
A platonic friendship emerges between Andy and Coffy, so he grants her the $75 worth of underpants. The next scene sees Coffy emerge from her dorm wearing nothing but said underpants, so I think there are some cultural things here I am missing. This snazzy underwear is an instant smash with the sheep-like girls on campus, who want some of their own – but in normal human sizes, naturally. It turns out Andy and Coffy are running a highly illegal laundering operation where Coffy resells the lingerie store’s free goods at an inflated price. Again, wow! Coffy’s a budding Doña Corleone, with a clear future in organized crime, and at least she’s huge enough not to need hired muscle.
The Coffy thread resolved via crime, it’s back to Andy and Kay. Now he learns that she is going to marry someone else, and whom that someone else is – Her stepfather. Ready – and…Wow! I’m not even looking for creepy things in these movies anymore, and yet they keep on happening. Kay’s stepfather fiancé, Dane, is a highly-respected industrialist, apparently wealthy enough that no one in the Andy Hardy universe gets a Woody Allen vibe or anything.
Serving as the best man, Andy arrives at the chapel to find a fancy sports car parked with the initials “D.K.” on it. Oh my, I do believe Tokyo Drift’s Takashi is here!...Actually, no, it’s just Dean. What follows is honestly one of the most depressing wedding scenes I’ve ever seen, and at this point the series completely gives up on comedy. Andy looks ready to slit his throat right there, with Kay resigning herself to a quasi-incestuous relationship, all this in an era when divorced marked a woman as a slut. At least they’ve finally found a way for me to relate to Andy.
It’s nearly Easter back at the Hardy household. I get my biggest laugh from this franchise as Aunt Milly organized countless frame photographs celebrating each one of Andy’s anonymous lays throughout the series. The Bond films could have benefitted from a similar gag at some point. Also, Emily the worrypuss is convinced the train Andy is coming home on will have exploded violently, or some other horrible disaster will have occurred, since she doesn’t realize she’s living in the Andy Hardy franchise and not the Final Destination franchise. Andy arrives home, and since we are near the movie’s end he just right out announces that he is doing the only possible sane thing in response to Kay’s disgusting marriage – namely, quitting college to become an unskilled laborer in South America! This movie is full of non-sequiturs!
This provokes Andy’s second trademark heart-to-heart with his father. The subject this time is career and future. This is a lengthy scene, full of the Judge’s wisdom, where he basically lets Andy know he’s being a tool. Little is resolved, though, so that we may have one more saucy musical number from Isobel before the final fade out. Once again her song is something that I swear I’ve heard Carmen Miranda sing before, and better. Andy dances energetically, and then instantly turns to his father and announces out of the blue that he is done with girls forever (oh, sure...). Rather, Andy has now resolved to give up on his dream of being the buttmonkey of the South Americans and instead become the buttmonkey of the law. That’s right, he’s going to be a judge just like his father! The End.
And this is effectively the end of the Andy Hardy story right here, save for a lone attempted film revival in 1958 with Andy Hardy Comes Home. Ignoring that for now, what an odd way to end a series. Even having seen only two of these films, Andy’s sudden decision to study law feels entirely out of character, and if he’d stated this at any other point during the story, we could assume silly confusions and sexual shenanigans would surely follow. Rather, it feels as though we’re meant to believe that Andy has decided to turn a new leaf, all as the fallout of a rather icky marriage. This really doesn’t feel like the proper sendoff to me. I think Andy Hardy would have been better served with an “And the Adventure Goes On...” sort of ending, suggesting he shall continue slutting himself out for the rest of his life, leaving the sickening details of these future misadventures to the minds of the audience.
Nonetheless, how about Andy Hardy Comes Home, that aborted attempt to revive the series twelve years later? Well, clearly rebooting is not as modern a movie trend as we’d like to think it is. At this stage, we find Andy married (to some girl we’ve never heard of before, natch), and with child – specifically Teddy Rooney, Mickey Rooney’s own son. It seems the intent here was for young Teddy to follow in his father’s footsteps as the series’ new irascible scamp. The only problem is that by 1958 television had more or less completely claimed the family sitcom genre, and there was no need for Andy Hardy movies to fill that void. The further plot, such as it is, sees Andy actually employed as a lawyer, embroiled in land controversy back at Carvel, perhaps recalling some of the Judge’s plots from earlier films. All this barely matters, though, for nothing introduced here would take; this was the last one!
So what does the future hold for Andy Hardy? Seeing as Mickey Rooney is still alive, beyond all medical logic, I guess there’s always that 0.000001% chance they’d make another one, but in all honesty, what kind of name recognition is there for a film series that last failed to reboot itself in the 1950s? Andy Hardy is, despite his minor Broadway origins, truly a creation of the movies, and eternally tied to Mickey Rooney. And wither Mickey, wither Andy.
Related posts:
• No. 4 Love Finds Andy Hardy (1939)
No comments:
Post a Comment