The cinematic landscape of horror changed notably during the 1980s. The grindhouse taboos of the previous decade morphed into increasingly safe teenaged horror flicks throughout the Reagan era – a time when conservative moralist opinions furthered horror’s eventual sanitation. This climate produced a culture of endless sequels, as semi-independent moviemakers with little ambition found that was the simplest way to ensure a profit. And in the time Friday the 13th came into existence and saw seven entries created, not a single Phantasm sequel saw the light of day. Rather, Phantasm mastermind Don Coscarelli tried his hand at that other bizarre early 80s trend, the sword and sorcery genre, with The Beastmaster. It wasn’t until nine years after Phantasm was released (and over a decade after it was filmed) that Coscarelli, ever the series’ shepherd, could arrange the production facets needed for a sequel.
Now, Phantasm II was Don Coscarelli’s intended bid into mainstream studio filmmaking. He left behind his production crew full of friends, lost many of his creator hats (apart from writer and director), and worked with a regular, professional film crew. The result is twofold, with positives and negatives. Coscarelli was given the largest non-Beastmaster budget he’s ever worked with. However, he was also beholden to the demands of studio executives for the first and only time. It seems, based on the film as evidence, they wanted a Phantasm that wasn’t nearly so bizarre and obtuse as the first, rendering it a lot closer to the sort of mainstream sequelizing Coscarelli had avoided throughout most of the 80s.
Executives also demanded an open casting call for the main roles, refusing to let Coscarelli simply use the same actors as before. As with many aspects of this movie, their solution was a compromise. Coscarelli was allowed to keep one of his two leads. The choice was made to retain Reggie Bannister in the role of Reggie, the balding, middle-aged ice cream salesman, one of horror’s unlikeliest heroes. That means the role of Mike Pearson, once the realm of A. Michael Baldwin (not of that family), went to the apparently more audience-friendly James LeGros – an apparently better known no name.
The other most important development of the 80s influencing Phantasm II was the creation of the marvelous, epochal Evil Dead II by Sam Raimi the year prior. This too was the sequel to a beloved but under-seen indy horror effort, one which essentially remade the first movie with both a higher budget and, far more importantly, a groundbreaking sense of manic horror-comedy. Hell, though a genuine horror movie, Evil Dead II finds its way onto comedy lists more often than scary lists. So Coscarelli would make a conscious effort to do the same thing with his sequel, removing whatever seriousness of tone existed in the original Phantasm in favor of a pulpy, comic tone. Also, Phantasm II is essentially a remake of the first movie, showing how its material would be handled by a major movie company.
Phantasm II pretty much jumps into the thick of things right away, offering little explanation to the uninitiated. All this for a 9-years-late sequel to a little-seen movie (that wasn’t on any home media yet either). Due to the confusing nature of even the most streamlined retelling of the first Phantasm, this means Phantasm II retains an impenetrable level of strangeness for most viewers, even if it is a much more straightforward movie.
Teenager Liz Reynolds (Paula Irvine) employs a voiceover (a frequent trick here) to read over a diary (maybe hers, maybe not) recalling her psychic connection with our hero from last time, Mike Pearson. This bizarre framing device allows us to return to the very ending of the original Phantasm, to wrap up that film’s final dwarf attack. (For all this to make sense, even here, knowledge of the first is useful.) Reggie hears the last film’s finale and gathers up a shotgun. He soon encounters roughly a dozen evil, reanimated dwarves, whose makeup is far more developed than before. Already we get a good sense of sequel escalation here. Reggie engages the dwarves in a lengthy action sequence, because these Phantasm movies aren’t solely concerned with the frights. Long story short, Reggie rescues Mike from the hideous Tall Man (Angus Scrimm again, the best thing about these movies), and they flee from the house as it blows up. (Explosion count: 1)
The framing device end with Liz, as she flips her diary page to a production sketch of the new Mike, aged six years into James LeGros. Her tenuous psychic link with the new Mike wakes him up at the Morningside Psychiatric Clinic, where he’s been ensconced in the interim between entries. Mike is released, as the doctors cannot hear his omnipresent thought balloon voiceover counter all of their assertions.
Mike then makes an instant beeline to the old Morningside Mortuary to begin his mental recovery in earnest by – digging up graves. In a minor shock moment, Reggie grabs a hold of Mike. Driving home in the series’ trademark Hemicuda, Reggie tries to dissuade Mike of his delusions – Sure, Reggie may have been central to the first film’s wild climax (and died twice in the process), but the untrustworthy dream state of that whole thing justifies his doubts here. But Coscarelli isn’t interested in the standard horror tale of the believer versus the skeptic, so he just goes right ahead and has the Tall Man blow up Reggie’s new house, his entire family inside. (Explosion count: 2)
Realizing Mike had a psychic warning about the explosion (that is, he knew what the effects crew was up to), Reggie vows to join Mike on a road trip to track down the Tall Man and end his reign of corpse-mangling terror. I rather like this, a horror movie where the heroes are actively tracking down the villain in the first ten minutes.
Reggie’s voiceover (third character with a voiceover) explains their lonely backcountry road trip, passing through a dreamlike series of American wastelands. And indeed, some of that dreamlike aura from the first film remains here, but it has been severely reduced, probably due to Universal’s insistence that it made no sense. Our heroes quickly decide to act out their best Evil Dead II impersonation, arming themselves as tool shop samurai. A Raimi-esque montage shows them amassing tools, firearms, and…a chainsaw! Mike fashions himself a homemade flamethrower (don’t try it at home, kids), and Reggie creates a four-barreled shotgun. Groovy!
Thus armed, it’s time for a trek through the eerily abandoned towns the Tall Man has left in his wake over the years. Voiceover, Mike’s this time: “Small towns are like people. Some get old and die a natural death. Some are murdered.” These are the movie’s creepiest moments, as they pass through a dusty, long-vacated Main Street on their way to a cemetery. In a normal world, outsiders would be aware of systematically dying towns, but the otherworldly powers of the Tall Man have surely put an undefinable supernatural cloud over the region. A really neat bit of cinematography depicts our heroes standing in an exhumed, empty grave plot. Quickly pull back to reveal the entire cemetery has been dug up, not a single body in the ground. There’s just something wrong about a graveyard without bodies, more cosmically horrifying than all the bursting zombified hands in the world.
Flamethrower and chainsaw at the ready, they wend their way through the mortuary’s boiler room basement, to discover a lifelike simulacrum of Liz in the corner. Mike instantly recognizes her, the girl from his dreams. A cool little slimy homunculus of the Tall Man mutates from pseudo-Liz’s spinal cord, announcing to Mike: “You play a good game, boy. Come east, if you dare.” Horrified, Reggie takes the flamethrower and has a cookout.
We join up with Liz in her tiny hometown of Perigord, where she runs through a variation of Mike’s story from the first movie. That is, she attends the funeral of a family member (her grandfather), sees the familiar though technically different settings of the Tall Man’s latest mortuary mansion, sees evil dwarves scuttle, and so on. Later on, not to give too much away, she shall further investigate these surroundings at night and have a familiar run in with a deadly flying sphere. But for now, she must console her grieving, widowed grandmother, and cry out psychically to Mike when she senses danger.
Also at the funeral is Father Meyers (Kenneth Tigar), a great holy man stock character, and our chance for some fun hammy acting. Also fearing some dread goings on, he prays aloud for an end to this sacrilege, and proceeds to stab the funeral corpse in either the mouth or the chest, depending on the shot. Liz’s grandmother witnesses this, causing her to faint. I can imagine a viewer unfamiliar with the first Phantasm is totally unclear on what’s going on.
Night falls on the various houses of Perigord, each of them typically American Gothic and somewhat hard to keep apart. I shall note that the cinematography has changed notably, this now being a studio production. Everything is well lit, if by “well lit” you mean you can see everything clearly. Sadly, such a shiny, blue sheen lessens some of the dirty, dangerous tone that befits horror so well. Anyway, we rejoin Liz’s grandmother, who is awakened by a mysterious off-screen noise, as these things go. She and the camera both peer over to search, so we just know that something will be next to her the instant the camera resettles on its original shot. Indeed, it is the Thin Man – sorry, Tall Man. I just confused Phantasm with a 1930s comedy-mystery! Grandma screams in terror, as anyone would do upon finding a cadaverous mortician in their bed.
Mike and Reggie are still on the road. Mike stares out the window, affording an endless series of Rashomon shots through the trees. He dozes a little, suggesting a dream, because post Elm Street you have to telegraph your dreams in a movie like this lest you introduce – gasp! – ambiguity. Reggie pulls over to pick up a hitchhiker with the unlikely name of Alchemy (Samantha Phillips, now a noted figure in the softcore sex scene and generally useless minor celebrity). Mike has Reggie pull over again so they can consult (and urinate), Mike expressing his fear of Alchemy – fears based on that vague dream moment he just had. But Reggie insists that Alchemy come with them, horniness trumping all.
Next Liz searches for her grandmother at home, suggesting it is morning. Yet night has already fallen as the Hemicuda reaches Perigord, a mere 20 miles away. I am willing to feel generous on this count and chalk it up to the heightened unreality that follows the Tall Man around like a mist. Naturally, this town is just as abandoned as the rest, meaning it’s probably the same set shot from a different angle. Our heroes and Alchemy break into a boarded-up bed and breakfast for the night, setting up a series of grenade and shotgun traps like a bunch of grown up Macaulay Culkins.
Liz, meanwhile, continues to act out her retread of the original movie, though significantly further into the running time. She sneaks into the local mausoleum, seeking to uncover the mystery of the Tall Man. We who have seen the first movie already know the gist of this mystery, and few (if any) major revelations shall be forthcoming in this entry. Rather, we can content ourselves with slightly new surface features to the Tall Man’s enterprise, such as a pair of morgue attendants in questionable states of zombification. Liz witnesses one employ an embalming machine to suction precious bodily fluids from a corpse, replacing them with yellow formaldehyde. Excuse me, but I’m suddenly a little hungry. Soon enough both Mike and Reggie are also creeping around the cemetery, allowing Mike to explain another new monster for this entry: gravers – grave exhumers, armed with pickaxes and gas masks like the guy from My Bloody Valentine.
Oh, and Father Meyers is also creeping around the mortuary – for an abandoned town, this is one popular cemetery. He locates an unholy shrine in the hall of crypts when the Tall Man looms over him, getting far more dialogue and screen time than he did last time. Manipulating Meyers’ rosary from a distance, the Tall Man briefly hangs the holy man, his crucifix now upside down. “You think when you die you go to Heaven? You come to us!” Meyers briefly escapes the Tall Man’s grasps and runs into Liz when a Sentinel Sphere, ultimate trademark of the series, barrels along and slices off his ear. It must be inhabited with the spirit of Mike Tyson – or Mr. Blonde. Then the Sphere buries itself into Meyers’ forehead, largely a replay of the memorable Sphere killing from the first movie, but with far, far less blood. By this alone you’d get no sense of why these movies enjoy a cult following. Liz, witnessing this exactly as Mike once did, flees. She has a brief run in with the evil dwarf of her grandmother; she brains it with an urn.
Liz runs into Mike outside, and they instantly start to make out in front of Reggie, recognizing each other from their dreams. It’s time for a brief interlude in this Tall Man craziness, so they all head home for some sleep. Mike starts the fireplace with his flamethrower, which is rather amusing. Then he and Liz enjoy a shared dream, a cheesy, Dream Warriors moment where their voiceovers engage in dialogue as the actors simply smile like goons.
Elsewhere, Reggie has convinced Alchemy to deliver that mainstream horror prerequisite – cheesecake female nudity. Their lovemaking session is interrupted when the grenade downstairs explodes – I hate when that happens! (Explosion count: 3) Using this distraction, the Tall Man snatches Liz away in time for the final battle.
Mike and Reggie ready their weapons as the pace, tone, music, etc. all prep us for a wild action-horror ride. Indeed, they engage the Tall Man’s hearse in a car chase, rather like in the first movie. And whatever I say about this movie, it is fun. The Tall Man forces the Hemicuda off the road into a tree. Mike and Reggie flee as…(Explosion count: 4)
Reggie then selects a line at random from the stock action hero one liner book: “Let’s go kick some ass.” They go off, presumably to kick some ass.
One of the Tall Man’s attendants preps the mausoleum’s incinerator for Liz, because for some reason these are the types of villains (rather rare in the oft-brutal horror genre) that prefer elaborate, James Bond death traps over mere stabbings. By the way, the attendant pours ashes into a bag marked “Sam Raimi,” lest we forget the inspiration here. And it turns out Liz doesn’t even need Mike or Reggie to save her, as she effectively rolls away from the furnace door and instead forces the attendant into the flames.
What were our heroes up to while Liz was saving her own ass? Puttering around in the autopsy room. Anticipating a later fight sequence, Reggie switches out the formaldehyde in the embalming machine for hydrochloric acid. Mike discovers a mysterious steel door, one that requires a Sentinel Sphere to unlock it. Sounds like an interesting side quest…Wait, this isn’t a video game! Sounds like a perfectly reasonable plot development.
This is the point where the movie’s goofy, quasi-Evil Dead II vibe really takes center stage, as the rest of the film is simply a collection of bizarre set pieces as our heroes face off against the Tall Man’s various minions as they work their way up to him. These are intercut, of course, a standard movie practice, but it’s easier here to relate them separately.
Reggie battles a graver in the basement. He gets the film’s best non-Tall Man line as he revs his chainsaw and screams, “Come on, you muthah!” But the graver has himself a six-foot long chainsaw, ‘cause horror movies are all just metaphors for the penis. Cue a swashbuckling-style duel with chainsaws, and the way you react to this news should indicate whether this is the movie for you. The sequence is undoubtedly played for laughs, as is Reggie’s victory as he buries his chainsaw in the graver’s groin. Ye-ow!
Mike and Liz initially face off against the Tall Man’s other morgue attendant. A Sentinel Sphere comes along to give him a hand, but instead simply drills itself into his hand. Against a door…Heh heh, balls to the wall! Another Sphere nears, utilizing the famous “Raimi cam.” The attendant makes a loony face, produces a hatchet from wherever, and chops off his wrist. Who’s laughing now?
Mike and Liz hide from the Sphere, which searches for them with lasers like in The Incredibles and also blows up a rat. (Explosion count, if we count that: 5) And in comes that one-armed attendant, swinging his hatchet wildly, when the Sphere goes and buries itself into the man’s back and rummages throughout his intestines. The man flails about wildly like Ted Raimi, and then the Sphere blows his teeth out. This makes me giddy.
Mike, Liz and Reggie all reunite and collect the sated Sphere lodged in the disembodied hand. Using it, they unlock that steel door and - wouldn’t you know it – it’s another of those white rooms with the canisters and the tuning fork portal to another dimension. This would all be a major revelation, except these are the exact same events as the first movie. Mike and Reggie even endure a brief trip to the other side, which just shows us the same red wasteland stuff as before, but with better effects. And that pretty much sums up the content of this movie as a whole. It’s that true sequel – a remake with a better budget.
It’s time for the final boss. Ever the methodical mortician madman, the Tall Man gets his bony claws on Liz and slooowly preps an assortment of autopsy tools rather than doing something in a timely manner. This gives Mike plenty of opportunity to activate the nearby Sentinel Sphere and actually utter, “Suck on this.” That’s right, he pretty much just bastardized Ash’s climactic “Swallow this.” (That’s Evil Dead II, in case you’d missed the common thread here.) I want to like you, movie, but sometimes you make it very hard. The Sphere embeds in the Tall Man’s forehead, yellow blood spurting, but the Tall Man simply crumples it up like a spent can of Natural Ice. Then a bug, um…thing emerges from the Tall Man’s head wound. Ah, but then (it’s merely a progression of various “thens”) Liz sinks the embalming needle into the Tall Man and Reggie releases the acid. The Tall Man melts away in a moment that, per my boundless desire to see goo, isn’t nearly as over-the-top as I’d wish.
Reggie torches the entire mausoleum with their flamethrower, not prompting another explosion count because the budget’s run out of those now. Alchemy shows up driving the Tall Man’s hearse, and speeds our three heroes off to safety, Reggie in front and lovebirds Mike and Liz in the sectioned-off rear. Of course we’re questioning the convenience of this, as is Reggie, when Alchemy parks the car in order to tear off her scalp and reveal her brains! Wee!, I’m having fun! Mike and Liz panic as Reggie stumbles outside and dies against the window. Then the hearse speeds off with them trapped in it.
The lovers console each other by proclaiming that “It’s only a dream.” The Tall Man appears in the hearse partition to declare, “No, it’s not!” Hands drag everyone through the windows…echoing the ending of the first.
Well, I guess if anybody had to make a Sam Raimi knock-off, Don Coscarelli is who I’d pick for the job. I mean, he did direct Bruce Campbell in his best ever non-Raimi movie, the glorious Bubba Ho-Tep. (Seriously, check that masterpiece out.) Phantasm II is fun and all, a diverting waste of time, plus it’s right there on Google video for all to see. It doesn’t do a whole lot, though, to further any narrative strands from the first Phantasm. On its own it’s just a bid to bring Phantasm mainstream, as much as a $3 million horror movie that merely doubles its budget could be called mainstream. Ultimately, Phantasm II is so inconsequential that it does nothing to damage Phantasm, and doesn’t come even remotely close to outdoing the original the way Evil Dead II did for The Evil Dead. It’s fun, it’s a lark, but it’s not true horror and it has about as much staying power as…something without a lot of staying power. But that’s just what it was designed to be.
Related posts:
• No. 1 Phantasm (1979)
• No. 3 Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994)
• No. 4 Phantasm IV Oblivion (1998)
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