The Muppets Take Manhattan? What a misleading title! The Muppets don’t even get to Manhattan until two thirds of the way through the movie, and once there, they hardly kill anyone!
Hold up. I’m being informed I watched the wrong movie. That actually makes a lot of sense. I mean, that one guy sorta looked like a Muppet once he removed his hockey mask, but otherwise – bupkis!
Okay, let’s get the right poster up there…
Ah, there we are!
Anyway, The Muppets Take Manhattan, it turns out, is an appropriate title. More appropriately, it should be The Muppets Take Broadway, for that is the primary dramatic focus of the film (quite, quite unlike Charlie Chan on Broadway, curse that movie to hell). Considering the Muppet movies so far have held an extreme fondness for old ‘30s musicals, and thus a nostalgic view of Broadway itself, it makes sense for them to directly embrace the Broadway musical genre, rather than to apply it to nonsensical subject matter like heist movie pastiches. And considering the Muppets are best known as self-conscious, fourth wall-breaking celebrities, it makes further sense to place them back into a show business storyline, even if the series by now has completely abandoned the meta narratives that I think are the best thing about the Muppets.
By 1984, Jim Henson himself, mastermind and founder of the massive Muppet menagerie, was feeling his oats, as it were. He was experiencing unprecedented Hollywood success, both with his theatrical Muppet motion pictures, and with a greater expanse into television – further to culminate in “Fraggle Rock,” “The Storyteller,” “The Jim Henson Hour,” and, er, eventually, and somewhat lamentably (post death) “Dinosaurs.”
With this newfound freedom, Jim Henson the artist wished to expand his creative realm, exploring more mature venues. Following his moderately successful directorial premiere, The Great Muppet Caper, Henson went on to create the puppet-based fantasy film The Dark Crystal, itself a precursor to the Bowie-based bildungsroman Labyrinth. As such, the Muppets were somewhat behind him, even if they remained his company’s spokes-things and brightest stars.
Thus, the Muppets would continue, but with Henson in a reduced creative role. Sure, he would continue to voice roughly 40% of the beasts, and executive produce (I cannot say if he was any longer the literal puppet master, though). But a direct creative role, like director, was out of the question. That role would go to Henson’s bestest buddy ever, Frank Oz, himself at a career peak following his triumphant performance as Master Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back. So The Muppets Take Manhattan is Oz’s first directorial effort, the first in a line of silly and disposable comedies (the Little Shop of Horrors remake, the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels remake, the Stepford Wives remake, Bowfinger).
They don’t waste any time getting us to Manhattan – Oh look, there it is! (Use your imagination; I ain’t uploading a picture of it.) Having now effectively teased us, the helicopter shot now travels out into the countryside, all the way to Danhurst College – some East coast campus or other. Onstage performing a song and dance number are all the Muppets we recognize from the earlier films, together already and ready to entertain. There is Kermit, Fozzie, the Great Gonzo (and his distasteful chicken significant other, Camilla), Rowlf, Scooter, Dr. Teeth and his increasingly anachronistic acid rock band (and Animal!), and…whomever else I’m forgetting. And also Miss Piggy, lest I incur her terrible wrath through omission, now sporting a frizzy '80s haircut that rather reminds me of Kate Capshaw. Considering the degree of in-jokery amongst the Muppets, I wouldn’t be surprised if this were intentional.
Holy schnikeys! I just realized there is a whole Muppet Wiki!
Anyway, the Muppets are performing in a musical play by one Kermit Frog, the generically-titled “Manhattan Melody” – I’d be surprised if this weren’t a real musical at some point, only…“The Broadway Melody” is a real thing – a freakish little detour in Singin’ in the Rain. Our hoofin’ Muppet mob warbles “Together Again,” the first of this film’s many songs. Oh yeah, you forgot?, these Muppet things are musicals. No exceptions! The college audience applauds, hugely receptive, prompting the Muppets as a whole to take their production to Broadway and Make It In the Big City. And then, because a Muppet movie isn’t complete without something questionable on display, Animal sexually harasses the female coeds in attendance. But it’s okay, because it’s Animal…and, you know, he’s the drummer.
The Muppets quickly make their way to New York’s greatest attraction – the train terminal. Here they set up residence, living inside those rental lockers terrorists like to put bombs in.
But we’re in New York, no time to dilly-dally! It’s off to see Broadway producer Martin Price – our first celebrity cameo (as the cinematic Muppets are founded upon celebrity cameos), Dabney Coleman!...Wait, who? According to Wikipedia, he’s an “American actor.” Investigating further…yeah, that’s pretty much it. They’re a long way from the astounding parade of fame in The Muppet Movie. Kermit pitches “The Manhattan Melody,” which appears to be a perfect parallel of the Muppets’ own developing story in Manhattan – out-of-towners come in, make it big on Broadway by producing a musical about making it big on Broadway. It’s like when you have two mirrors look at each other, only this is self-contained within the picture – In fact, quite unlike the astounding Muppet Movie, or even the not-so-great Great Muppet Caper, the fourth wall is never broken in this entry. I am very surprised by this. It sort of reduces a lot of what the Muppets are capable of – they’re now just lightly comic. It’s weird to get invested in this film as a drama when you’re already aware of all the framing devices and discontinuity that preceded it.
Oh well, Price turns out to be a con man, a flimflam artist, a grafter, a crook – as pointed out by a human female who is definitely not a guest cameo. Price, now revealed as Murray Plotski, takes Gonzo’s phallic nose hostage, prompting the Animal to viciously maul him (Plotski). Imagine all those “actor vs. rubber snake/octopus/giant leech” moments in awful old ‘50s B-movies (Bride of the Monster, etc.), only with Muppets. But it’s Animal, and therefore unassailable.
It’s back to square one for our massive Muppet mob. They attempt to sell their show throughout Broadway, told to us in the form of a song and montage: “You Can’t Take No For an Answer.” When this production is over, with all its ‘30s-style cinematic techniques (walking in front of signs), the Muppets are again back at square one. They’ve had to ignore their own advice, and take no for an answer at every turn.
Down to the last of their measly, minimal Muppet money, the monstrous menagerie attempts to dine at Pete’s Diner – assuredly the only “Pete’s Diner” in New York City. Here is Pete (Louis Zorich, who’s merely an actor in a major role, and by no means a celebrity). Here is also Pete’s daughter Jenny (Juliana Donald, again a mere actress, as her role here is her most famous role ever – though as an “almost cameo,” she does kinda look like Margot Kidder). While Kermit gets along famously with the non-famous Jenny, the rest of the Muppets contemplate deserting the frog to go out on their own. And Piggy becomes jealous that Kermit would develop a friendship with another female, because Piggy is an assembly of all the worst female traits possible.
At this stage the Muppets do indeed separate, which is something of a reversal of the other films’ structure. In them, The Muppet Movie specifically, the narrative concerns slowly amassing one Muppet after another. This one just gets rid of ‘em, then largely focuses almost solely on Kermit for the rest of the film (with a little bit of the pig). Bu there’s a few things going on here…and it’s been one whole paragraph since the last musical number, so – Musical number! “Saying Goodbye,” if you can believe that obvious title. (It’s really easy to determine the titles of all these forgettable Muppet songs, since it’s almost always the first lyric sung.) So anyway, now it’s only Kermit.
At a loss, the frog asks Pete for a job at the diner. I hadn’t mentioned it, but Rizzo the Rat (a Muppet) was already working here as a waiter. And since we gotta have some muppetry on display, Rizzo soon brings along his extended rat family to accompany Kermit – they will act as waiters, while Kermit mans (er, frogs) the kitchen. Thus human Jenny is on hand to advise Kermit on his continued pursuit of Broadway glory. And since she’s training to enter Fashion Design College, there are certain ways in which she can help…
Such as dressing Kermit in drag and sending him to the Winesop Theatrical Agency to act the tiresome show business self-promoter as he passes by Frances Bergen to drop his script off at Winesop himself, John Landis. Considering Frank Oz serves as a regular cameo in Landis’ films (such as The Blues Brothers), this is just returning the favor – hence it’s a rather underwhelming cameo by Muppet standards.
Kermit meets Jenny at the plaza to discuss his woes. Miss Piggy has decided to pass her time frog stalking, so she sees Kermit with Jenny and herself grows green – with envy. Also, several construction workers hoot offensively at Piggy, not so much because Piggy’s “hot” (they don’t insist upon that notion here), but because construction workers are sick, sick bastards.
Her stalking break over, Piggy returns to the department store where she works the makeup department with Joan Rivers. Now this is an actual celebrity cameo, with a known and humorous (psychotic) person, so the movie stops for a lengthy gag routine. This rather reminds me of the celebrity sketches from the variety “Muppet Show” more than anything specific from the films – even the similar celebrity sketches from The Muppet Movie.
It’s been quite a few paragraphs since a song, so here’s “Something’s Cooking.” It seems Pete’s customers have been complaining about filthy rats serving the food, so they are now at work in the kitchen, performing a percussive, lyric-free bit of bebop as they also somehow anticipate the entire plot of Ratatouille by some 22 years. And yeah, this gag-happy moment is what Ratatouille would have been like had it been non-Pixar – that is, adequate, but decidedly lesser.
Rat-a-tat rattiness over, Jenny arrives to deliver Kermit some distracting letters. What, you thought the plot was gonna progress? You don’t know these Muppet movies too well, do you? Nope. The first letter (of many) is from Scooter, who tells a tale of Cleveland. We flash (back?) for an extended scene of Scooter working in his new job at the movie theater – behold brief roles for the Swedish Chef and Lew Zealand. This moment is entirely independent from the rest of the movie, a true sketch routine writ large. Indeed, a massive amount of this movie is made up of the Muppets’ various letters (from a variety of great American cities and also Pittsburg) – a chance to just do like “The Muppet Show,” and avoid the plot-based purgatory of something like The Great Muppet Caper.
The next letter is from Dr. Teeth, from the aforementioned Pittsburg. He and his troupe are playing their latest musical gig – at an Oktoberfest. Cue Germanic oompa tunage. And Animal!
Fozzie’s letter comes from Maine, where he has taken up actual hibernation with real bears. Well, at first it looked to me like a cave full of real bears (which would be really funny), except it turns out Henson wanted to make a bunch of generic bear Muppets for the hell of it. That rather kills the joke, which has always been about how strangely out-of-place the Muppets are in the real world.
More letters shall come later. For now, it’s back to the “plot,” as it is, as Kermit enacts a “whisper campaign” to drum up enthusiasm for his play at all the hoi polloi restaurants. Wearing another of Jenny’s costumes, Kermit the pimp parades his frog self before the dinner patrons, as Rizzo’s rat retinue sing his frogly praise. And here, for no reason, is Liza Minnelli. And much like the John Landis-based cross-dressing bit earlier, nothing really comes of this attempt. It’s just another sketch, but following the film’s central Broadway theme.
Kermit and Jenny go for a walk in the park (you gotta squeeze Central Park into your New York movie somehow), as Missy Piggy continues her stalking from the bushes. That ain’t creepy. Then some punk (played by non-cameo) snatches Piggy’s purse, incurring her deadly pig rage. The midget inside the Piggy costume chases this punk down on foot, and just barely avoids going all Charles Bronson on the poor peon. This accomplishes pig’s reunion with frog, and a random cameo from Gregory Hines – you may not recognize the name, but you’d know him when you see him.
Pig and frog go for a romantic carriage ride together. As this movie really is rather founded on randomness, Miss Piggy randomly starts to hypothesize what life would have been like had she and Kermit been babies together…Uh oh, I don’t like the sound of that…It sounds like “Muppet Babies.”…It is! Nooooooo! And this is where that strangest of all media spinoffs got its start, as a random throwaway Piggy hallucination (fairly common for her, actually). And not only is this an excuse to showcase the new, real life Baby Muppets Henson decided his shop should make, but it’s also a musical number. Of course. Too bad that music, “I’m Always Gonna Be Loving You,” in no way compliments the baby-based antics on screen. It’s a weird piano and rumba tune, like something they wrote and had to squeeze in somewhere, with repeated references to neurosurgery. Strangeness. And when this mescaline-induced terror is over, we return to Miss Piggy in the park, where she has indeed reverted to infantile behavior.
Back at the diner, Rizzo hits on Brooke Shields. Good for him. Kermits gets his second batch of distracting letters, the first one from Gonzo. He is performing at some fifth-rate Sea World knockoff in Michigan, a stunt show that is a chance for violent slapstick and a poultry reference to Rossini (“William Tell”).
Rowlf’s letter finds him working a dog kennel – questioning just about every permutation of “animal” in the Muppet multiverse. He himself is a dog, but he’s an employee, boarding other dogs who are also Muppets, but also real dogs too. Someone drops off his shar pei, and if I could tell who he was (or find him on IMDb), I could say if this was a genuine cameo.
The next letter is from Bernard Crawford – wait, he ain’t no Muppet! Nope, he’s the plot! See, he’s a big Broadway producer eager to finance the frog’s musical. Kermit reports to Crawford’s office and – Oh wait, false alarm. It wasn’t Bernard who wanted Kermit, but his son Ronnie (Lonny Price, who is now a genuine Broadway-based cameo due to more recent Broadway success – good for him). But here is Bernard (Art Carney), willing to float the bill for Ronnie’s first production. The Muppets are gonna be on Broadway!
Kermit excitedly telephones Miss Piggy at Pete’s with the good news. Then he goes right ahead and gets his frog butt run over by a taxi! I’m serious.
A montage shows Piggy amassing all the other Muppets from their various out-of-state locations for the big, climactic production of “The Manhattan Melody.”
Meanwhile, Kermit’s doctor Linda Lavin checks him out at the hospital, diagnosing him with frog amnesia. It’s funny, to see a doc examine this Muppet’s flimsy felt form as though it were a real body – this is what the Muppets are all about. Kermit is sent out into the city on his unescorted, amnesiac way, under the exciting new name of “Phil.” He quickly has a run in with a trio of bluish frogs at Mad Ave Advertizing. Their names are Gil, Bill and Jill (the start of a very amusing series of awful puns), so “Phil” is a natural fit here. So yeah, with 20 minutes remaining, Kermit has suddenly lost his memory and taken up with a gang of amphibians to advertize soap. There is a reasonable amount of randomness in this movie.
The Muppets, sans Kermit, make preparations for their production anyway. Cue Statler and Waldorf criticizing the concept of Muppets on Broadway – Hmm, is this a travesty the Disney Company has actually thought of yet? To drum up excitement, Gonzo greets The Honorable Edward I. Koch – I thought someone looked like him in The Great Muppet Caper, and now I get the real thing! And of course the Mayor of New York City had nothing better to do than cameo in silly movies, just like our current Governor of California.
It’s opening night, and still no Kermit. The Muppets mope mournfully at Pete’s when, out of the convenient blue, “Phil” et al just up and decide to eat here. The Muppets recognize Kermit, but he cannot identify the Muppets (come on, man, they’re celebrities). Thus, to the astonishment of the ad frogs, they frognap Kermit anyway.
Well, that late Third Act complication is (mostly) resolved now, so it’s onwards to the theater! Backstage, Fozzie tells a bad koala joke (“Wakka wakka!”), while Miss Piggy expresses her undying pig love for Kermit. Kermit, sans memory, is for once astounded at the strangeness of a pig-frog pairing, and issues several puns to this point. It’s clear he truly doesn’t remember Piggy, for if he did, he’d know such statements are just an invitation for pig violence – Miss Piggy pummels Kermit viciously, which naturally restores his memory. Just remember that one, all you medical practitioners – a hard blow to the head resolves all psychological problems!
With Kermit back, the Muppets proceed to sing the musical’s grand opening number, “Right Where We Belong,” without even bothering to take to the stage first. But finally they make it on stage, doing a nice ‘30s tap number, in their canes and top hats and whatever else Fred Astaire would wear. And all throughout this movie, Kermit has been distressed by a certain glaring defect in his musical; now he knows the solution – it needs more bears and frogs and whatever! So all those random extra Muppet bears and frogs and whatever (and rats) they’ve thrown at us throughout the movie make their big appearance on stage, because when I’m in the audience for a stage production, I really want to be assaulted by a dozen bears. But of course this audience loves it.
The Muppets segue into their next big number, “Somebody’s Getting Married.” That “somebody” happens to be pig and frog. In a way, these Muppet movies have all been leading up to the climactic marriage of Kermit and Miss Piggy. Under the name of matrimony, the pig/frog couple will no longer be living in sin. The actual wedding ceremony is a Gene Kelly-esque tangent, something that could never possibly be performed on a real stage as we see it here. So instead just imagine a fantastical wedding chapel scene, filled with every Muppet I can think of other than Sweetums, along with some new Muppets I do not recognize (some truly hideous beady-eyed babies). And on the groom’s side, there is also the entire cast of “Sesame Street.” A human minister appears to perform the ceremony, a surprise to Kermit, since he thought that was Gonzo’s role. The suggestion here is that Kermit and Piggy (as characters in a film at least) are really getting married. (Who knows how this affects inter-entry continuity?) “I now pronounce you pig and frog.” All the Muppets (and, er, “Sesame Street” things) cheer.
Kermit and Miss Piggy appear in the moon over a star field. “The End” appears on screen, surprising the hell out of me, because I thought there were still a few plot threads to resolve – Was this show in fact successful? Did Jenny ever make it into Design College? Okay, I guess they’re not the most pressing questions ever, but still, in this post-Lord of the Rings era, I’m amazed at any movie that can just end.
This was the last Muppet movie for 8 years, and with good reason. Not because it was unsuccessful (it did as well as The Great Muppet Caper), nor because it was poorly made (it’s better than The Great Muppet Caper), but because things were naturally at an end. Whatever non-existent driving narrative focus there was in these basically unrelated Muppet stories, the pig’s marrying the frog resolved that. And of course Henson was busy with other things, having brought his beloved Muppets to a natural resting place. Their stories never quite suggested “franchise” anyway, for as popular as the Muppets are, there’s no particular story to them. I mean, none of their movies are sequels, except maybe technically. And these are family movies. A child audience outgrows material rapidly, making it sometimes a little more difficult to sustain the same audience.
As far as Jim Henson himself was concerned, this really was his grant finale, his ultimate Muppet gig. He’d seen them off in style, made his artistic statement with them (mostly in The Muppet Movie), and given them closure. But some pretty sad events would soon take place in Henson’s empire, most notably Henson’s own untimely death. The rest of the Muppet franchise (for it’s really only half over) would be entirely post-Henson.
Related posts:
• No. 1 The Muppet Movie (1979)
• No. 2 The Great Muppet Caper (1981)
• No. 4 The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
• No. 5 Muppet Treasure Island (1996)
• No. 6 Muppets From Space (1999)
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