The Three Mesquiteers employed such an astounding turnaround schedule (eight whole movies in 1937 alone) that certain things are to be expected. Subservience to formula is one of those, with easily plugged stunt sequences and other time-wasting content. One unexpected consequence of this, though, is the increased chance for something going wrong in filming. After all, with a new movie expected every month and a half, you have a quota to fill, and no time to waste.
So it transpires that main Mesquiteer Robert Livingston was unable to appear in the tenth entry, The Trigger Trio, having sprained his wrist while “playing with his prop gun,” or some such. A month to recoup wouldn’t be a huge deal to most productions, but there’s an empty block in an upcoming Saturday matinee that needs to be filled! Thus, Livingston was replaced, for this one and only entry, by the latest (one-film) Mesquiteer: Republic regular and Dick Tracy portrayer Ralph Byrd as Tucson Smith’s brother, Larry Smith. I think I once worked with a guy named Larry Smith.
The absence of Livingston’s Stony is explained by Tucson (Ray “Crash” Corrigan) as a “trip off down to Mexico.” Ah, putting things in quotes makes them sound like euphemisms. It takes The Trigger Trio all of 15 seconds to bat that question away, making me think this might’ve been a script first written for Livingston, then quickly reworked to accommodate Byrd. After all, Larry possesses the same traits (generic cowboy, but with a libido) Stony always showed. Later events in the film, however, make me think otherwise.
No sooner is Larry introduced, calming down worried movie-going eight-year-olds nationwide, than trouble (plot) rears its expected head. This time it is in the form of hoof and mouth disease (DA DUM DUM!), spreading throughout the unnamed, unidentified region’s cattle. The trio (let us not forget Max Terhune’s Lullaby Joslin) learns of this from State Agricultural Service employee John Evans (Robert Warwick) at home with his family. This family includes Ann Evans (Sandra Corday’s only credit), and a lad named Mickey. It is damnably difficult to parse out whether Ann is John’s wife or sister, even with a “Gee golly goshers whillickers” boy around. Either way, Larry sets to seducing her, in that 1937 sorta way.
(Again the film’s setting grows confused, with contemporary cars intermixing with plots and technologies more at home in 1885 Hill Valley. Not the most carefully thought out franchise, this.)
In town (the same town we always see), the Mesquiteers enforce a disease quarantine, to prevent the spread of sickly cattle. Lullaby seems strangely determined to do this at all costs, as I swear he shoots a kitten at point blank range, in a moment that’ll never be mentioned again. And that bit of inexplicable “humor” over with, along comes the villain – Brent (Cornelius Keefe). How do we know he’s the villain? Basically, he wears a black hat and has a black horse. All well and good, but why is he villainous?...Er, because he’s a rancher. Never mind the Mesquiteers themselves are identified as ranchers, non-regular ranchers have always been hissable ne’erdowells in this franchise’s universe. Oh, and if you were an actor named Cornelius in 1930s Hollywood, you could only play villains. (Brent’s henchman, meanwhile, is simply credited in the film as “Henchman.” Nice!)
The problem with being a villain in this context is the setup: hoof and mouth disease. How does one act illegitimately evil in such confines? Well, Brent could cross quarantine boundaries in his jalopy, snickering and twirling his old timey bad guy ‘stache (oh yeah!). All this serves no purpose, except who’s a villain to randomly obey a law?
So Tucson chases him down, as the film takes a lengthy pause for a chase sequence. Horse runs down car. I’ll repeat that – Horse runs down car. That whole idea of “horsepower” most cars are advertized under…this one wasn’t.
Back at the town’s quarantine, the overall running time must’ve been a few minutes short. There’s always one easy way to fix anything deficient: monkeys! In a moment that qualifies as random even for this film, a chimpanzee terrorizes a literal flea circus all while a matronly Mrs. Astor dowager type frets. Lucky for her Lullaby wasn’t feeling too trigger happy at the time.
(I almost forgot! Around here Tucson races Brent as part of a bet, for the same nebulously stated reasons as in 2 Fast 2 Furious. Basically, it’s an excuse for an action sequence. And Lullaby, ever the pillar of honesty that he is, cheats on Tucson’s behalf, rendering a shortcut only he can use. Otherwise, the bad guy would’ve won through fair play. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.)
It’s only now that the Mesquiteers learn the dire truth, which has so far eluded them: they, our franchise heroes, are not above the law (see Heart of the Rockies). Thus their horses shall have to be quarantined with the other beasties, despite Tucson’s impassioned pleas to the fact that he has top billing. What little this scene accomplishes is an introduction to Buck…Ah, Buck. Hedging their bets in case Byrd wasn’t enough of a Livingston substitute, director William Witney has also thrown in a dog – Buck. This languid St. Bernard is the tenth billed actor, and he plays himself. Really, the only 30s actors who could go solely as “Buck” are animals, or pretentious Frenchman cowboys. I’m glad it was the former. I’m also glad Buck is the Mesquiteers mascot for today, taking the place of Lullaby’s hideous puppet.
Okay, back to Brent. He’s been informed by John, the cow doctor, that a few of his cattle have the disease, and will have to be shot. Rather, Brent shoots John. Dead. Villain, remember? Because apparently it’s less trouble to instigate a murder investigation (and allow the rest of your stock to also get sick and die) than it is to simply lose a couple of cows in the first place. What were a few cows worth in the time between 1860 and 1937 (that’s when The Trigger Trio takes place)? Surely not more than a man’s life. (With John dead, and Ann potentially widowed depending on whom she is, Larry’s romancing takes on a whole new dimension.)
Really, Brent’s villainy makes no sense. Of course, when a man has his back turned to you, as a baddie, you just have to murder him! Your Dark Lord commands it!
Right away, I could tell you the outcome of this choice. Hoof and mouth disease spreads unchecked throughout the state, destroying the value of Brent’s own herd, as well as all the other ranchers’. Despite all this, Brent is dead set to sell his cows. Otherwise, he’d be down 100 now, instead of the 2 had he simply obeyed John’s medical advice and not slaughtered the man. But Brent doesn’t have the movie’s monopoly on poor character motivation. He turns to Larry, our one-shot hero, and essentially confesses such. “I am about to drive 100 heads of diseased cattle across state lines to sell to the characters of an Upton Sinclair novel. I want you to help me and Henchman.” Why Brent asks Larry in the first place, I cannot say. Why Larry agrees without a second’s remorse, I cannot say either. Perhaps because the finale demands it.
So Larry sets out on this cattle drive of evil. Lullaby, meanwhile, has also figured out Brent’s devious plot, as Brent is wont to cackle loudly in isolation about his nefarious schemes, all well within earshot of other people’s homes. Honestly, the amount of logical missteps this man makes is mind boggling. And it’s never played for comedy!
Someone else knows about Brent’s doings: Buck! Actually, he knows more than Lullaby does. So it’s Buck who leads Lullaby out to greet the herd, which just happen to be in that same swath of wilderness we always see. Why’d he need a dog to show him this?
When Brent sees Lullaby approaching, he suggests to Larry that they murder him (and his little dog too). What the living hell for? Larry talks Brent out of it entirely in logical terms (morality never enters into it), then rides off all of 10 feet to meet with Lullaby. Thus temporarily makes Brent consider murdering Larry. Why’d you hire him then?!
Very confusing editing happens, and suddenly Lullaby’s gone back to town. I guess nothing much transpired between him and Larry. Then a randomly introduced posse of men arrives on horseback, firing randomly at Brent & co. Now who the hell are these people?! My first suspicion is they’re the state border guards, who have a beef with Brent’s beef. Whatever the reason, it’s a chance for Action Sequence # 4B: A ride ‘n’ shoot! Larry, that emblem of righteousness, fires back at these presumed lawmen as he, Brent and Henchman ride to the cliffs.
Henchman knows more than he’s letting on (I do love that name). He knows these are Brent’s men, hired to murder Henchman and Larry…Okay, what?! You hire another twenty men in order to silence two men who are complicit in your scheme?! Who’s gonna silence these guys?
Once again, though, Brent isn’t the only one lacking for mental clarity. Henchman, in order to save both Larry and himself, leaps to his death. Ummmm… So…let’s get clear again…Henchman leaps from a cliff, causes the sort of avalanche which is ever so common in Mesquiteers movies, and thus pins both himself and Larry under a tree. And does kill himself in the process. (Larry, as the “hero,” is thoroughly uninjured.) The lapses in logic here are so big, you could drive a hundred head of cattle through them.
Buck, the true hero, knows Larry is caught under the tree, and thus runs off to retrieve Lullaby and the gang. Yup, it’s a “Lassie” scenario! To provide proof, Buck takes Larry’s neckerchief, which I incorrectly thought of as a handkerchief. Run, Buck, run!
Buck finally comes across Tucson, who’s been absent for 60% of this entry so he could round up the sheriff’s men. Seeing the dog, Tucson actually says “What is it, Buck? What is it, boy?” Sadly, he doesn’t follow it up with “Did Timmy fall down a well?”
Run, Buck, run! Actually, it’s the same “dog runs” shot from before, mirrored. So, they’re now running back to save Timmy – er, Larry. Buck gets out ahead of the horses (in this movie, dogs are faster than horses are faster than cars…rrrrright). Just then, a non sequitur frontiersman takes random potshots at Buck, actually shooting the hound’s torso. Who was this guy? I mean, this wasn’t one of Brent’s latest goons, this was just a guy standing in the wasteland waiting for a dog to shoot. Oh…kay…then. It makes no difference either way, as Buck still shows them to Larry. He even survives the movie unwounded, healed by the pure curative powers of Tucson’s reassuring dialogue (“He’ll be OK.”).
Larry rescued, the Three Mesquiteers lead their posse on a shootout with Brent’s men. All in Brent’s party die, as do about five men on Tucson’s side. All this to prevent 100 cows from crossing state lines. Were inter-state communications so awful back then that you couldn’t, er, call a consumer advocates line or something?! Really, by my count, twenty-six men have died violently to prevent the spread of a non-fatal (to humans) disease.
Also, they kill Brent. He should’ve just listened to John.
Speaking of…The coda assures us that the state shall compensate all the ranchers who lost cattle in this hoof and mouth plague. Meaning…had Brent gone the noble route, and simply not murdered in cold blood, he’d’ve been down nothing for his trouble. As opposed to…dying.
A film of such randomness and illogic needs to go out on a truly outstanding bit of left-fielded foolishness. So…Lullaby pretends to be a dog, for no reason, scaring a Chinaman we’ve never even seen until the very final shot. Ummm…y-y-yeah.
What does it say that this counts as tossed-off, even in a franchise that was as a whole tossed-off? I don’t know, but its 8 votes on IMDb (and zero reviews) don’t do it justice. How’s something this contrived even get made? I swear, I’ve probably thought more about The Trigger Trio than any other human in history, and that’s counting its own stars. I mean, two and a half hours, man! (That includes watching it.) But it clearly doesn’t matter, because fans of The Three Mesquiteers would accept no substitutes. They were just biding the endless month and a half before Livingston’s return, knowing this would be inconsequential. So be it.
Related posts:
• No. 1 The Three Mesquiteers (1936)
• No. 3 Roarin’ Lead (1936)
• No. 4 Riders of the Whistling Skull (1937)
• No. 5 Hit the Saddle (1937)
• No. 6 Gunsmoke Ranch (1937)
• No. 7 Come On, Cowboys! (1937)
• No. 8 Range Defenders (1937)
• No. 9 Heart of the Rockies (1937)
• No. 13 Call of the Mesquiteers (1938)
• No. 14 Outlaws of Sonora (1938)
• No. 19 Santa Fe Stampede (1938)
• Nos. 29 – 38 (1940 – 1941)
• No. 35 Prairie Pioneers (1941)
• Nos. 39 – 51 (1941 – 1943)
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