This series is never ending! At this stage I’m a little under a third done with these movies! Worse still, it’s been relatively quick so far, by dint of several films lost. Nearly every one of the 32 movies to go are available – we’re looking at another month at least, and that’s without breaking these things up with Muppets and whatever else I pick to aid my sanity (maybe Dirty Harry) Gah, I knew these old B-movie franchises would be the bane of this enterprise!
To celebrate this arbitrary moment where I peeked ahead at my movie list, I bring you Charlie Chan at the Race Track – the second in a trilogy of films that should have the Marx Brothers in them but don’t.
Well now, how ‘bout that Charlie Chan at the Race Track? I’ll admit it, this is sort of a regression for the series. Many of the specific problems I’d had with past entries (an indistinguishable cast, insipid central lovers, boredom, disgusting Negro stereotypes), problems I’d assumed were now well behind us, make a triumphant return in this entry. Hell, most of the thing, title aside, takes place on a damned cruise ship, making this like the third or fourth time that particular setting is utilized. But to their credit, Keye Luke returns as “Number One Son” Lee Chan when I honestly didn’t expect to see him. Also, Warner Oland’s central performance as Charlie Chan is now increasingly more full of nuance, and less full of “hey, let’s mock the gooks” sentiment.
For the first time in, like, eight entries, we open with Charlie Chan in his true natural habitat – aiding the police department of Honolulu. He lectures on the forensics of blood droplets when son Lee barges in to enforce a horse racing theme upon the proceedings. Low-income gambling addicts that they are, the police ignore Chan’s lecturing to pay attention to a horse race on the radio.
For our part, we are treated to a mass of stock footage to convey this race – the filmmakers never quite managed to make it to an actual race track, so we get a lot of stock footage instead. Now, I’ve already suggested the cast is nearly indistinguishable here, much in the way of Charlie Chan in Paris. To compound that issue, how about we introduce all of them in a mere 15 seconds, and then hope the audience can remember their names, faces and inter-character relationships? Names are never again put to face, only uttered when said character is away, so this is my only chance to make sense of this movie. And I failed!
Combining plagiary of Wikipedia and the IMDb, I can at least announce names of characters, and connect those to actors. Hence there is, uh, Alice Fenton (Helen Wood), who is, I only assume, the daughter of Warren Fenton (Jonathan Hale, in his twelfth film I’ve seen for this blog). Catherine Chester (Gloria Roy) and George Chester (Alan Dinehart) are somehow related, and indefinable even in this nebulous group. There is also George Irving as Kent, and someone called Gavin Muir as someone called Bagley. Oh, and charisma-free actor Thomas Beck in this third Charlie Chan movie, playing his third disgustingly boring romantic hero – Bruce, this time. And the lovebird couple Bruce and Alice are exactly the same as before – they want to be married, are wishy-washy ciphers, and have no bearing or outcome on the entire plot. So naturally they are a major focus here, the filmmakers having forgotten their lessons from the past several entries! Actually, the only new character I can instantly identify and tell apart from the others is racehorse Avalanche – and somehow, the movie will even manage to screw up identifying the horses later on.
Anyway, the race ends, Avalanche losing to everyone’s shock – the result of the jockey throwing the race. This nameless jockey soon meets up with a nameless (or at least, never identified) gangster hood, who talks about a moronically overcomplicated gambling scheme to come. And though I do not know this hood’s name nor actor, he is our central villain this time. Yup, Charlie Chan at the Race Track is following in the footsteps of Charlie Chan in Shanghai by pitting Chan against a known villainous cabal instead of a mysterious murderer. That means, when things get going, it will be up to Chan to foil their wicked horse schemes. Too bad a bunch of upper-class twits are barely an adequate replacement for the Chinese Tongs.
Well, wherever all our bland heroes were, they are now on a cruise ship on its way to California by way of Honolulu. This kills my theory that the opening race was in Limey Land, though it’s not until 50 minutes in that they up and say they were in Melbourne. Man, these useful details (settings, character names, clues) are withheld like so many delicious rubies. A letter insert informs us, because damned if they’re about to film it, that Kent has been kicked in the head and killed by Avalanche. Ah hah, the horse is the murderer! Not so fast!, Charlie Chan sez, for he’s going to stick aboard that ship to investigate. Of course everyone’s okay with this.
Oh boy, Charlie Chan investigating a murder on a cruise, I sure ain’t bored of that one! (Sadly, there’s more, for a later entry is called Charlie Chan’s Murder Cruise.) At least this time Lee is there, so his comic routines can fill in the spaces of this underdeveloped murder mystery. (Earl Derr Biggers, where are you when the franchise needs you?) I may have complained about some of Lee’s comic detours in Charlie Chan at the Circus, but when the mystery is as tiresome as it is here, they become the best thing in the movie. And while I may be bored of cruise ships as mystery settings, they remain ideal settings for slapstick farce.
Chan investigates the stables, discovering evidence (blood splotches, natch) that suggests Kent was murdered and moved. The essential evidence the audience would need to solve this murder is withheld until the film’s final three minutes (the murder weapon was a horseshoe), so we cannot try to outguess Chan, merely “enjoy” his investigation. And enter Streamline, who is not a horse as that name would suggest, but something even lowlier in this franchise’s estimation: a Negro. He is played by John Henry Adam, another dignity-challenged black actor in 30s Hollywood, a poor, poor, poor, poor man’s Stepin Fetchit – though I in no way miss that other hateful performer. Sample dialogue: “Here I is, Massuh Fisszzunnnnnn...Yassuh!” They literally equate Streamline with a monkey, portrayed as his companion and mental equal here where they live, in the grimiest part of the ship. And you know, I’m not even sure why they decided to include a racist black stereotype into this movie, as it lacks the traditional ghosts and goblins that most old movies somehow use to disparage the race. Ah, but you know all those Negro jockey statues that got repainted into honkeys three decades ago? Yes, Streamline’s a part of that august label.
Meanwhile, all the characters we’re supposed to be interested in, all the white characters, are receiving mysterious letters threatening to kill the horse. Where’s the race track?! AAH! There is some blah blah blah whatever about whomever the hell owns Avalanche now his owner Kent is dead (oh yeah, Kent owned the horse – wish I’d known that before!). Well, whatever, this is all somehow part of a scheme to fix the odds at an upcoming horse race – these are some pretty lame villains. As Futurama’s Robot Devil would say, “Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete!” And doncha know it, murder is a crucial part of all piddling gambling plots.
There is some more crap that takes place aboard the ship, much of it having to do with Lee’s comic conflicts with the steward, but I’m going to pass over all of that in favor of getting to that damned race track already!...I’m sorry, I think this movie pissed me off. At least I use italics instead of caps.
The ship makes it to the LOS ANGELES HARBOR (so obtrusive onscreen titles tell me), and Avalanche is unloaded. This horse is now clad entirely in streaming white robes, which is no less disturbing since Streamline is next to the horse the entire time. You know, perpetually bigoted movie series, references to the KKK are not a point in your favor. Chan, who clearly knew nothing of horses when he boarded the ship (example: he didn’t know they were quadrupeds) is now somehow able to notice something new about Avalanche that none of these professional horse fops can see – namely, Avalanche ain’t Avalanche, he’s another horse! Oh…my brain. You see, those nefarious racketeers have affected a horse switch as part of their horse scheme to horse fix the horse race.
Whichever damn horse Avalanche now is, he is soon taken to the “Santa Juanita Race Track” – why the hell didn’t they just call it the “Santa Anita Race Track,” a real race track a mere two miles from where I grew up?! Oh well. And while Charlie Chan is busy poking around at this off-brand horse facility, I shall enumerate the racketeers’ rather Bondian gambling ploy. You see, the real Avalanche is now under the guise of Gallant Lad, an unknown long-shot equine – his victory on handicap day would pay off immensely.
Of course this assumes that Avalanche would have won this race anyway. But the gangsters have hedged their bets. They haven’t just switched horses, they’ve also switched…lasers. Oh yes, I am dead serious. In a move I could easily picture A View to a Kill’s Max Zorin doing, the photo finish device is now fitted with a poison dart apparatus. If any horse other than Avalanche (that is, Gallant Lad), for instance Gallant Lad (that is, Avalanche), crosses the midway laser line first, it shall be automatically shot. Oh yeah, guys, ain’t no one of the thousands in attendance gonna see that. Oy! Okay, whatever, this doesn’t really matter, but it’s their way of filling out the running time in an underdeveloped Charlie Chan movie. Man, the padding is pretty obvious.
It’s HANDICAP DAY! (Gotta love those titles over stock footage.) The gangsters’ whole scheme is in place, except for one thing – that meddling Charlie Chan is still on the loose! In actuality, Chan isn’t close to actually solving this case (but don’t tell him that). No matter, for those gangsters truly anticipate the James Bond franchise by kidnapping Chan (and Lee), and then telling him the entirety of their plan. Then it’s simply a matter of placing Chan in an unguarded room with windows, and all their problems will be over.
These idiots deserve their own comeuppance. Chan doesn’t so much escape from their clutches as he simply walks away. Then it’s a simple task to return to the race track, have son Lee blow up something valuable as a distraction, then again switch Avalanche and Gallant Lad to re-rig the rigged race. So now Avalanche is Avalanche again, and Gallant Lad Gallant Lad. Except the various criminals attending the race (or at least the criminals in on the ploy, for Hunter S. Thompson once proved all people who attend horse races are in fact criminals) think that Avalanche who is Avalanche is really Gallant Lad, and vice versa…Or something.
The stock footage race is off! The real Avalanche is winning as Avalanche, only the crooks think Avalanche should be winning as Gallant Lad, so they turn the dart not meant for Avalanche on Avalanche, thinking Avalanche not Avalanche…Yeah. The wildly improbable doohickey darts Avalanche in the horse ass, but no matter, for this horse is a good guy, and will therefore win the race anyway, by fiat. Everyone who matters celebrates; Avalanche collapses (in an avalanche), possibly dead.
Meanwhile, off-screen and for no reason, that jockey from the beginning is murdered and dumped in the harbor. I guess that satisfies the blood lust of 1930s audiences.
The cops break up the gangster racket, but the wicked mastermind gang leader is still at large. This is so Chan can finger someone (ew!) at the end, and conform this retarded tale back to the murder mystery format. So he assembles all the cast members whom I’ve never told apart. Cops search the cast for the death dart, removed from the horse’s ass post-race. It is found upon the person of…Warren. Yeah, sure, whatever. Ah, but we still need one more twist to make this a Charlie Chan movie. Indeed, Chan reveals that instead George (who?!) killed Kent and planted the dart. There is horse blood all over George’s suit, so I guess that cinches that. And because Chan announces that this guy is the killer, so shall it be, for now and forever. I can’t imagine the legal trials that emerge from these cases, with everyone citing the arbitrary testimony of an Oriental dick who has since moved on to solve another fresh murder at a zeppelin’s maiden voyage or wherever. Honestly, none of this nonsense would ever stick in court.
In fashioning its ending, Charlie Chan at the Race Track hedges its own bets, not ending with a joke from Lee, or a romantic reconciliation with the hateful lovebirds, but with both at once. Well, I guess this movie is double over. And thank Chan for that.
There is little to say in further summary of this movie. I shall simply point out a discrepancy I also encountered when reviewing the Blondie films. That is, my opinions from one Chan film to another differ far more than their outside reviews or IMDb scores. Hell, a spelling and grammar-challenged review (Variety, naturally) from 1936 praises this entry as being a significant improvement on its immediate predecessors – movies which I far prefer. Maybe my tastes are just different from this soulless reviewer’s, since he seems to actively like the crap I hate. That is, he freaking praises the lovers as loveable, and the racist interludes as “crisp.” For me, Charlie Chan’s Secret remains the gold standard for this series, despite its minor flaws. It was more fun, more unique, and had a cast I could tell apart. Distinguish your cast!
Related posts:
• No. 3 Behind That Curtain (1929)
• No. 4 Charlie Chan Carries On (1931)
• No. 5 The Black Camel (1931)
• No. 9 Charlie Chan in London (1934)
• No. 10 Charlie Chan in Paris (1935)
• No. 11 Charlie Chan in Egypt (1935)
• No. 12 Charlie Chan in Shanghai (1935)
• No. 13 Charlie Chan’s Secret (1936)
• No. 14 Charlie Chan at the Circus (1936)
• No. 16 Charlie Chan at the Opera (1936)
• No. 17 Charlie Chan at the Olympics (1937)
• No. 18 Charlie Chan on Broadway (1937)
• No. 19 Charlie Chan at Monte Carlo (1938)
• No. 20 Charlie Chan in Honolulu (1938)
• No. 21 Charlie Chan in Reno (1939)
• No. 22 Charlie Chan at Treasure Island (1939)
• No. 23 City in Darkness (1939)
• No. 24 Charlie Chan in Panama (1940)
• No. 25 Charlie Chan at the Wax Museum (1940)
• No. 26 Charlie Chan’s Murder Cruise (1940)
• No. 27 Murder Over New York (1940)
• No. 28 Dead Men tell (1941)
• No. 29 Charlie Chan in Rio (1941)
• No. 30 Castle in the Desert (1942)
• No. 31 Charlie Chan in the Secret Service (1944)
• No. 32 The Chinese Cat (1944)
• No. 33 Meeting at Midnight (1944)
• No. 34 The Shanghai Cobra (1945)
• No. 35 The Red Dragon (1945)
• No. 36 The Scarlet Clue (1945)
• No. 37 The Jade Mask (1945)
• No. 38 Dark Alibi (1946)
• No. 40 Dangerous Money (1946)
• No. 41 The Trap (1946)
• No. 42 The Chinese Ring (1947)
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